I’m sad that she is an adult and will soon be moving on to college and the rest of her life. But I’m also happy and proud that (a) I was able to keep her alive longer than most of my plants, the hermit cab and hamster; and (b) she’s grown into a smart, talented, caring, capable and beautiful young lady. I couldn’t have asked for a better kid.
Although … I could ask for more time. As a mother, a parent, I would say there is never an amount of time short of forever that would be adequate. Eventually, all children have to grow up.
I’m learning to let go a little more everyday, even though I know I will never let go all the way. As she makes her way out into her life, I just hope I was able to impart the things I think she needs to know:
1. You can talk to your mom about everything. Chances are, if you’re going through it, I did, too. You can also talk to your dad, as long as NC State isn’t playing, and not too soon after they lose.
2. Learn to say NO. And don’t apologize for it. Say it to boys, teachers, bosses, and friends. Say it to yourself. Own it.
3. Family and friends are more important than things.
4. Don’t waste time and energy stressing over situations you can’t control.Instead, use your time and energy finding a solution to the situation, or not doing anything at all if there’s nothing to be done. Just move on.
5. Don’t be afraid to fail. Sometimes failure is the best teacher. And never be afraid to get up and try again.
6. One day, some idiot boy is going to break your heart. I will bury him. Kidding. You will think the hurt won’t end and you will never feel the same for another boy, but it will and you will, I promise. I’ll show you how.
7. You will meet a lot of douchebags before you find your Prince Charming.But it will be because of those douchebags that you will be able to recognize your Prince when he shows up.
8. Marry the man who is good to you. But make sure I like him first.
9. It’s okay to break up with a good guy if you don’t feel the same. It’s not okay to string him along.
10. Tweezers. Because nose hairs.
11. Wash your face every morning and night. Use a natural cream or lotion that doesn’t have any added chemicals. Wrinkles are inevitable, but you don’t have to get them prematurely.
12. You’re never too young to start taking care of your body from the inside out. Eat right, take vitamins and supplement the minerals you’re not getting from foods you refuse to eat, like fish and vegetables. Broccoli is not the only vegetable, by the way.
13. YOU ARE NOT A MESS
Your bed is unmade, your best clothes are dirty, you haven’t written a word of that paper, and you feel like you haven’t talked to your parents in days. Everything feels out of place. Where are your keys? You feel like you never know. You’re constantly apologizing to people whenever you can’t do something fast enough, even if it’s something as trivial as hastily searching for your debit card at the register: “sorry, I’m such a mess.” No. You are not a mess. You are a human. Stop apologizing for being fallible. It’s okay not to have every single thing in the wrong place as long as your heart is in the right one.
14. YOU DON’T NEED TO BE BETTER
You want to improve: move up the ranks at your job, make more than $8.75 and hour, finally pick a major, exercise more, spend more time reading for pleasure, damn, you just want to be better. You don’t know why, but you never feel like you’ve mastered anything you practice, even though you do those things every day. This isn’t a sign of weakness; it is a sign of self-awareness. It’s like hearing the TV in the other room and feeling like you can almost see it play out in front of you– you know what’s going on, but you can’t get the picture exactly right. You don’t need to have the perfect picture yet. If you know what you want to do, keep doing it. If you don’t, let yourself find out.
15. YOU WILL GET BETTER
You know when you are doing something wrong. Do less of that and you will be fine. Don’t overthink the consequences of every move. You will misstep and it will help you memorize the right steps for later, when it’s time to really dance. Keep moving.
16. THE SOPHOMORE SLUMP IS BOTH AS REAL AND FAKE AS THE FRESHMAN 15
Did you really gain 15 lbs your freshman year? Probably more like 5 or 10, but honestly: who cares if you gained 15 lbs if you finished your first year of formal learning and an institution of higher education? The same goes for the sophomore slump: it is real, but it is not as bad as you think it will be. Your second year is more difficult because the word is harder and the rewards greater, but on a much less frequent timetable. That is adulthood, and you are beginning to understand how it feels.
Your bed is unmade, your best clothes are dirty, you haven’t written a word of that paper, and you feel like you haven’t talked to your parents in days. Everything feels out of place. Where are your keys? You feel like you never know. You’re constantly apologizing to people whenever you can’t do something fast enough, even if it’s something as trivial as hastily searching for your debit card at the register: “sorry, I’m such a mess.” No. You are not a mess. You are a human. Stop apologizing for being fallible. It’s okay not to have every single thing in the wrong place as long as your heart is in the right one.
14. YOU DON’T NEED TO BE BETTER
You want to improve: move up the ranks at your job, make more than $8.75 and hour, finally pick a major, exercise more, spend more time reading for pleasure, damn, you just want to be better. You don’t know why, but you never feel like you’ve mastered anything you practice, even though you do those things every day. This isn’t a sign of weakness; it is a sign of self-awareness. It’s like hearing the TV in the other room and feeling like you can almost see it play out in front of you– you know what’s going on, but you can’t get the picture exactly right. You don’t need to have the perfect picture yet. If you know what you want to do, keep doing it. If you don’t, let yourself find out.
15. YOU WILL GET BETTER
You know when you are doing something wrong. Do less of that and you will be fine. Don’t overthink the consequences of every move. You will misstep and it will help you memorize the right steps for later, when it’s time to really dance. Keep moving.
16. THE SOPHOMORE SLUMP IS BOTH AS REAL AND FAKE AS THE FRESHMAN 15
Did you really gain 15 lbs your freshman year? Probably more like 5 or 10, but honestly: who cares if you gained 15 lbs if you finished your first year of formal learning and an institution of higher education? The same goes for the sophomore slump: it is real, but it is not as bad as you think it will be. Your second year is more difficult because the word is harder and the rewards greater, but on a much less frequent timetable. That is adulthood, and you are beginning to understand how it feels.
